Friday, December 23, 2005

Mera number kab aayega ??

Thats Hindi for "When am I gonna get my chance at ... ?". The issue in this case is marriage.
In the coming few days, two of my friends are getting hitched (not to each other, atleast not until they legalize same-sex marriages in India). While for me, it means yet more free food, the most comforting feeling is that - "Hey! good things like these can surely happen to guys like us!! :)"

Thats a very comfortable thought indeed. Trying my hands at losing my single status a few times, and succeeding only partially, I have temporarily given up on any such endeavours in the near future. The motto of the day is - "let the parents do the dirty job of finding a decent girl". We are living in good times my friend. Wait, no , change that to - we are living in a good country my friend. One where arranged marriage is always a saviour of poor souls like me. I am ok with arranged marriage, heck! 80% of the marriages in India are arranged (ok ok I made that statistic up, so sue me!). My only problem with it can be summed up in one sentence that my mom said to me.

It happened like the following. Picture this - me narrating my 'criteria' of a decent girl to my mom, and my mom going 'uh huh, ok, carry on...' and so forth. After I finished my lengthy monologue, I asked my mom - "Ma is it unreasonable to try and find a girl like this?". And my wise mom replies - "No son, it is not unreasonable to demand, but sure is impossible to get".

So until I stop freaking out from that comment, I am still gonna hold on tightly to my bachelorhood and make my fellow Aquarians proud of me :) (Saying goes that in a gang of friends, the Aquarians are typically the last ones to marry).

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Riding into the sunset ?

A long long time ago, from the wild wild North, came two cowboys - Jai and Veeru. All they wanted was sanctuary, after years of oppression at the hands of the ranch-lords back home. Their aims were noble - they desired to learn gunfighting from the very best. These experts were the fastest hands in the west, who, funnily enough, were frequently and fondly called chair or vice-chair by their peers. And why did our two cowboys want to get involved in this deadly art ? Well, so that no one would ever hold them at gunpoint or take advantage of their clumsiness with the trigger, back home. So that when they go back, they would be able to defend their own land and property, instead of being a mute spectator of the doings of the ranchlords.

Little did they know the fate that was awaiting them in the west. While Veeru had had one and a half years of prior gun training and knew how to shoot ducks from 50 metres, Jai was a rookie in the game of barrels and bullets. To compensate for this, Jai's guru told him to learn and learn fast. Waking up as early as 11 o'clock day after day and shooting till 4 o clock in the a.m. became a norm for him. Since he was a baby in this big bad world, he took on not one or two but three masters - he practiced the revolver with one, the sniper-rifle with another and his true love, the semi-automatic, with the third. So obsessed did he become with this semi-automatic, that he starting reading about its internals, its mechanics, special bullets and stuff. Soon the village kids were coming to him with questions and he was more than happy to oblige.

But what the poor Jai didn't realise was that while feeling secure with a gun was one thing, being loved by a fair lass was another, and much bigger, feeling. While Jai was in the shooting ranges, his buddy Veeru had become helplessly romantically entangled with Basanti. Veeru, unlike Jai, had an experienced hand with guns. So he had all the time in the world to whisper sweet nothings into the willing ears of Basanti.

This went on for four months and a half. The training came to an end, and the time to test their skills had come. As expected, Veeru, through sheer experience, and love-charged batteries, came out with flying colors. And Jai was struggling with gruelling exams one after another. And then came the call for help from the North! The fate of the North depended on the newly learnt abilities of these two young men. Finishing their training quickly, they mounted their steeds, took off their hats in admiration of the west, and rode North.

But while Veeru had the feeling of surety, the feeling that only someone in love can experience, there was no such luck for Jai. Uncomfortably and unknowingly he nudged his horse towards his destination.

Watch this space to know more about Jai and Veeru's story.....some of the biggest mysteries will be unfolded over the next few days, like:
Did Veeru marry Basanti, or was he just fooling around?
Did Jai make it to the North alive?
Did Jai find true love (in the form of a girl, rather than a gun) ?
Was Veeru's experience mighty enough to save their village from the ravages of the ranchlords?
Was Jai's love for the semi-automatic powerful enough to pull him back to the west?

Some teasers of the coming episodes...

Jai (screaming): Veeru is my friend and I can't let him go away and marry..

Ranchlords firing incessantly at the dynamic duo. Veeru doing the double revolver cowboy stunt and Jai doing a Matrixesque move to dodge the bullets...

(A girl's voice, we can't see her face) : Jai....I wanted to tell you something...I love you..