IPL Predictions - part 3

As we write the final part in this prediction series, we humbly note that at least two of our earlier predictions has come true -- Sehwag made a characteristic 8(6) in the match against Punjab, and Sreesanth did take his wicket, although sitting in US we couldn't see if Sreesanth ran a half-marathon victory lap or not.

Now without further delay, our final two teams are:

Bangalore Royal Challengers (RC)

New Motto: Now with jerseys redder than our faces when we lose the final

At the time of writing, RC have yet to play a game, and so we can still speculate who the captain is going to be. Since Mr Skunk Hairdo is still playing in Bangladesh, RC's megalomaniac owner has no choice but to give the captaincy once and for all to Kumble. Since the Kiwis are playing against Australia right now, it means that Mr Beer Belly aka Jesse Ryder, and Mr I-don't-play-any-off-side-shots Ross Taylor are out for at least a few weeks. Thus it is the South Africans that RC must trust, after all they provide four members of the squad.

It is our prediction that without Taylor and Pieterson, RC will find it difficult to make do with the antics of Roelef Van der Merwe and Uthappa. We expect them to lose more than half their league matches in the first three weeks. This will be followed by a slight revival on the return of Taylor (maybe winning three consecutive matches), only to find out that it is almost too late, which will lead Kumble to adopt his familiar angry constipated look. In the last few crunch matches, RC will raise their game however, make the final four, and will probably beat Delhi Daredevils (who are just dying to lose in the semis) to reach the final against KKR. An hour before the final, we expect Kumble to give a stirring LOTR pre-war speech to his wards.

"Men inside the bewdaas, I see in your eyes the fear of Shane Bond that will take the heart of me! A day will come when we will play on to our stumps, but it is not this day! A day might come when we all fall to Mendis, when even Agarkar gets a wicket, but it is not this day! I say, this we fight! This day we SLOG SWEEP!"

The story of the final has been told elsewhere, but we expect Kumble to take at least 3 wickets, including that of Dada (trapped in front). At the presentation ceremony, Kumble, as the losing captain, will make a solemn speech -- "Only one team played in the spirit of the game, and it was not us" before correcting himself 2 seconds later.

Prediction: 2

Reaction: Megalomaniac eating his red RC cap for the second consecutive year.

Rajasthan Royals

Let's face it. RR are a completely unpredictable bunch, and we saw that in the match against Mumbai, where they almost made it after making reservations in the parade of the losers.

So what is it going to be this year? It is tempting to say they will be in the bottom two, because that is the only position remaining in our predictometer, but let's try to justify, shall we?

First, is it just us, or is Shane Warne fatter than even his usual chubby standards? When he runs in the infield, he looks like a sloth bear gently ambling onto the nearest tree in search for shade.

But let us not go by the looks, for he is still sharp as a tack. Instead, let us look at the changes. They do not have Watson or Tanvir (or Mr Butterfingers aka Kamran Akmal for that matter). On the plus side, they only have the formidable presence of Pathan and the equally formidable absence of Kaif. Some might argue that Asnodkar will find it easy to play in the Indian pitches with his 4' 3" frame (discounting his second ball run-out yesterday), but we find him over-rated, like Kamran Khan and Ravindra Jadeja (also absent). Shaun Tait will not matter much on these pitches, but Damien Martyn will, sadly he will not get to play much.

All in all, if Yusuf and Smith fail, RR will be reduced to becoming everybody's favorite whipping boy. We don't expect to see Shilpa and Shamita Shetty jumping up and down in the stands very often this year. Consequently we arrive at the inevitable conclusion.

Prediction: 7 or 8

Reaction: Shane Warne nonchalantly drinking beer and playing poker with the crowd at deep extra cover, and Yusuf Pathan making his usual angry monkey faces (except against Deccan for obvious reasons) after every loss.