Monday, September 26, 2005

No love on the beach

Wow, that was a really long break from the blogging world. How long has it been ? 3 weeks ? Jeez man ! Down with the mid-sems !

So I was back at my favourite haunt - the Bandra Bandstand, with His Holiness Mr. Manish Bhide. The goals were simple - cheese masala pav for the stomach, jogging beauties for the eyes and pelting a couple of stones at SRK's house for the general good of mankind. Ok ok I made the last one up. I mean who would throw stones when much bigger rocks are available on the shore ;-)

Well, finishing a glass of awesome pineapple juice, I began looking at the couples sitting on the rocks nearby. Me and Bhide were trying our best to add to the gay romance angle, but lets face it : both of us are heteros at heart. So I was looking at these couples and most of the girls seemed to be paradoxically unhappy to me. In some cases, the guy was trying to convince the girl about something, his most convincing tactic being holding the girl's hand. Its not the fastest arrow in the quiver my friend ! Logic and women are like vodka and whisky. They just don't mix, and whats more, even if you put them forcibly together, you get a pukey feeling in the stomach and a headache the next morning.

It was then that I started to wonder about one of the foremost questions plaguing the mankind. The likes of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle have spend countless frustrating nights pondering over this, not to mention our own medieval boys like Voltaire and Kant. Apparently the question drove Descartes so mad, that all he could come up with was - "I think therefore I am". As you may already have guessed by now, the question is - "Why are the best looking girls always to be found with the most idiotic looking guys ?". [Disclaimer: This question is nowhere related to my loveless single life].

I began a thought experiment : I imagined going over this question with a good looking girl. Now being with a gorgeous babe is no different than any guy's 'usual' fantasies, except that in this case, there was some talking going on.

So here goes the thought experiment. Me and the gorgeous looking babe (GLB):
Me : Why do you go out with that stupid surly looking fellow ?
GLB : Excuse me ! Do I know you ? Why are you even talking to me ??
Me : Hey! This is a freaking thought experiment. Come on man ! please cooperate.
GLB: Oh ok.
Me : So tell me what do you see in him ?
GLB : You mean apart from the great physique ?
Me : Err....yes. I meant is he nice and jovial ? Does he make you laugh ? Can you discuss a good book with him ? Does he hold your hand while walking on a moonlit beach ?
GLB : Well he spends a lot on me. Buys me superficial gifts. Takes me to pubs and discotheques, buys me clothes that leave nothing to the imagination. Sends his car to pick me up and drop me.
Me : And there are no negative aspects ?
GLB : Sure there are tons! He treats me like a prize trophy. He is happy to be my boyfriend not because he is happy to be with me but because he feels 'extra cool' in his circle of gym buddies. Plus he is a total jerk.
Me : So why not go out with someone more full of substance ?
GLB : Half of them are geeks, just like you....
(Me : sheepishly smiling and also feeling smug as being marked 'full of substance')
(GLB contd)... and the other half dont have the nerves to approach the girls they like.
(Me : feeling confused...aren't I in both these halves? Thats it , I am a spineless geek. Woohoo!)

So there you have it. My thought experiment was conclusive after all. Girls do want to go out with intelligent, sensitive and funny guys. Looks isnt everything. All they want is that the guys should make the first move. As for me, I am an enlightened soul. I know exactly what to do. Its time to pick up those dumbells and pump it up !!! There sure is no way in hell that I will land up a GLB , writing all these crazy blog entries.

8 comments:

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solzaire said...

such unfair imbalance ;)

Now being with a gorgeous babe is no different than any guy's 'usual' fantasies, except that in this case, there was some talking going on.

and therein lies the flaw in your premise? :P

Anonymous said...

Haha, with quotes like these:
Logic and women are like vodka and whisky. They just don't mix, and whats more, even if you put them forcibly together, you get a pukey feeling in the stomach and a headache the next morning.

you are slowly becoming my hero ;).
Very nice post, dude.
Dost, why don't you try your hands at writing a short novel, seriously. I promise to buy 100 copies :P.
-Varun

Asterix said...

@solzaire :
Yeah I have these momentary flashes when I take the avatar of a jerk :)

@varun :
don't worry, I am writing a tech report these days. You can take 100 printouts and read all of them...hahaha ;-) . ok bad joke.
As usual, thanks for the comment.

mani said...

Hmm.. there is fundamental flaw with this experiment. See below:
Me: Does he make you laugh ? Can you discuss a good book with him ?

Rahul you asking a blond bombshell (BBS) about good books. I am sure, the only good books in her opinion would be "How to enlarge your breasts in 10 days" :-) while a geek (ie. you) would utterly ashamed at even picking up this book at the bookstore. Having a meaning conversation with a BBS would include talking about the latest cosmetics, discos, dresses, shoes etc...

Dude, forget about blond bombshells as a geek (me, you, and geeks at large) you will only get a bespectacled, jumbo-assets geek GIRL, with whom you can talk substance all your life. :-)

abhishek said...

nice to knw tht there is one more soul on earth who thinks the way i do...
vodka and whisky theory was marvelous -deserves a nobel ;)...

Anonymous said...

and what made u think that girls (not ur so called GLB) will fall for desi guys in US??!!

ChinmaY said...

In my words when i see the GLB with the idiotic guy, its called "Social Injustice"