Thursday, March 02, 2006

Those were the days

Read this nostalgic and at the same time mildly naughty post. Reminded me of the days gone by when porn was an openly integral part of everybody's life. Termed as pondi, pondz, pr0n and wotnot, the essence remains the same. Rose by any other name.....

Although it has been more than 13 years, but it seems like yesterday. At the tender age of 13 years, I was introduced to the world of porn. It was the early nineties, and internet wasn't even born, CDs weren't popular enough, so printed media was pretty much our saviour. A school senior had managed to procure an 'educational' magazine named BodyTalk. Like first love, I vividly remember my emotions at that time. I was very curious about the number of Xs on the front page (there were 3, as I clearly recall in hindsight), and there were two German female models that looked very anxious to teach us sex education. Now being the class geek and all, I was at the front of the queue to receive gyan, and boy! did I receive gyan or what! However, the seniors were not always so generous with the supply and I was not aggressive enough to persist, so such devi-darshans were few and far between.

And then came 1997. The magical year. When I entered the hallowed halls of my college hostel. Having done the hard part of clearing the entrance exams, the priorities underwent a slight change. Applied Mechanics gave way to Playboy and Quantum Physics lost to Basic Instinct without scoring. Yes, it was a booming time. When friendships were forged and broken on the basis of porn and it was porn that kept us together in our darkest times. It was our dreamland where the bombshell girl would not judge us by our semester grades or our week old beard. Where everyone was loved and no one left empty-handed (ahem!). Where fantasies became reality and reality became a distant dream. Where the 9 pointers and 4 pointers were equal. And jocks and nerds were indistinguishable. Yes, those were happy times my friend!

The transition from printed porn to digital porn was smoother than Tendulkar's cover drive. It felt like a natural progression, the survial of the fittest. Darwin was never truer. It was also the start of the digital revolution in India. And the half a dozen CD shops around the campus were always ready to pander to the basic needs of the teeming thousands inside the campus. A trip to the CD shop had a clear agenda - one Jackie Chan CD, one Hollywood CD and one CD for the night. On second thoughts, make that 2 CDs for the night - you never know if the first CD is scratched. KLPD ho jayega na?

The CD shop was another marvelous entity in itself. The shop owner used to memorize each and every CD that passed his shop.

Student: Bhaiyya woh swimming pool waali hai kya?
ShopOwner: Pool..hmm...oh woh hotel ke pool waali..haan hai...
Student: Nahin aap shayad kuch aur samajh rahein hain.
ShopOwner: Bhai wohi na jisme woh Brazilian ladki hai?
Student (sheepishly): Haan wohi...bahut suna hai uske baare main.
ShopOwner (triumphantly): Maine kaha tha na wohi hai. Ye rakhi hai. Sasura naam bhi nahin hota hai in picturon par. Bahut dikkat hoti hai yaad karne mein.

The movie night was spent fast-forwarding the Jackie Chan movie and move on to the real maal. In that era, when computer count was 0.1 per capita, hordes of curious souls would gather together in that ceremony to see Lena the Warrior Princess or Sex-Files. The owner of the computer was like the high priest, who had veto power over deciding which scene had repeat value and which babe wasn't worth a dekho. He also had one more power. To ask the horde to vacate his room because usko abhi sona hai. The most pathetic codeword. The poor souls, deprived of seeing the thrilling climax of the story, would take their revenge by peering over the ventilator and banging on the door just when the dude was about to 'fall asleep'. Whats that you ask? What about the Hollywood movie? That used to be unopened most of the time. Harrison Ford would lose out to the vily charms of Candy and Holly. Sigh! the good old days.

The hostel was a home to all and sundry. And there were those, who were not impressed by the appealing graphics. Flash a page/scene to them and nothing. Nada. Zook. They were the ones who got their kicks from reading the same stuff. And the internet was their messiah. Spending unearthly hours ogling at the internet sites, gleaning amongst the candidates, and in a final swoop of victory, finding that one story that would make their day (or night). The one story which they would forward to the entire junta the next morning and bask in the glory. "Abey kya sahi kahani thi baap!".

And then there were the pseudos. Who would tirelessly mention how they liked the story in a particular XX movie. The same kind of sickos who read Deb for the articles.

Yes, its true, the hostel was home to all kinds of people.

After a gap of so many years, when I finally return to hostel life, I find lots of things have changed. Firstly porn is now completely free. No more pooling money to buy the Penthouse annual edition. No more asking the friends for 20 bucks to rent that CD. Free Porn. Free as in free beer.

However, I find that while the essence is there, the purpose is lost. Gone are the days when finding porn was as important as enjoying it. When the journey was as exhilirating as the destination. Hunting the hostel wing, going door to door. "Yaar PlayBoy hai kya? Nahin? Chal theek hai......sun sun, kuch khane ko hai kya?". And then one would find his friend in the corridor, wearing that naughty DevAnand grin, waving that CD in his hand and shouting "oye! mil gayi re!". And you would know that all the search time was time well spent.

Finally, I would like to end my homage to the old school of pondigiri by a quote:
Porn: It is what you enjoy between the times you study.


[Disclaimer: 1. If the article portrays me as a depraved lunatic, then there is nothing I can do about it. The article is already public. In reality, I am a happy, well adjusted grad student. 2. If you were googling for porn and this article turned up because of the frequency of the usage of the word 'p*rn', then I sincerely apologize for wasting your time. I do not host such material. Please go to the next search result, and chances are high that you will be amply rewarded.]


Tara said...

Hi Asterix,

Hilarious :-)) I think all guys will be able to identify with you.. I used to hear tales from my buddies all the time.. their girl-friends used to get really mad everytime they discoved a "dirty" magazine in their hostel was so funny watching them explain.. and swear that it was their roommate's.. and they had borrowed it to read an article.. and they never "objectify women" Lol!!

Asterix said...

Strange! I thought women read/saw their fair share of porn too.


Tara said...

I guess maybe out of curiosity.. but I've noticed that most women live in denial.. :-)

shan said...

I never lived in a hostel but I can imagine.
My first brush with porn was at 15 (late bloomer eh ?). But at one time I was the man. My fame grew more when the hidden camera and mms scandals started. Guys would name it and I would have it.

Asterix said...

sigh! the age we live in! Who knew that one day a mundane thing like cellphone will be the source of joy to so many people out there.

Speaking of which, hey shan, pssst..can you get me that video...ya ya that one.

Ritesh Nadhani said...

I just read this BLOG yesterday at:

and it deals with the same stuff as this one :)

Never had a hostel life, did BCA in Blore which didnt require you to stay at a hostel, but its just nostalgic. Its like Deja Vu...Been there...done that!

Started from 7th std. and still watch (though the frequency has reduced quite a lot).

Awesome :)

Asterix said...

@ritesh: Thanks for the link dude! Also saw that you have linked to my post :) Thanks again!

shan said...

paris hilton, kareena, riya sen....?

Asterix said...

@shan: chhod yaar! ab 26 saal ke budhhape mein ye sab dekh liya to excitement se hi mar jaaonga ;)

Gaurav Mehta said...

great to see that you have regular readers too...!!

Asterix said...

Well...I have managed to trick some people into reading my blog :) So there!