Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Blogger confesses to blogger's block

BOMBAY (Jan 10) I realized that for the past few months all my posts are about either half-marathons or passenger announcements on the Delhi-Mumbai-Delhi air route [We welcome you all to the Mumbai domestic airport blah blah]. Then I realized that this is nothing but an acute case of blogger's block. Ok ok, I admit that every living creature with an ounce of brain can write a blog, so why can't I?

And the answer, my great readers, is as follows. Over the past few days I have been thinking about a slew of earth-shattering topics and I cannot decide which one to pen down in a burst of my mediocrity. This impasse is intolerable and it is tearing me apart. So to do justice to all of them, here is a list of all the issues I had started writing about, but lost steam midway:

  1. The futility of the middle urinal in a men's toilet. I am a vociferous advocate of the island-urinal theory. The theory states that all urinals must be atleast 3 feet away from each other -- which makes each urinal like an island. Not only will this provide ample privacy to the users, but also help in avoiding the '505' situation [This happens when there are three urinals and there is a queue of five people each for the first and last urinals, with the middle one being unoccupied].
  2. How FBI solved the case of the mysterious gas in Manhattan. They finally attributed it to the BO of the hordes of desis living across the Hudson river in the Indian ghetto called Jersey City. Apparently it was so cold on 6th January, that all desis (only males mind you, females somehow manage a daily bath) decided to skip their shower and showed up at work in Manhattan armed with only a whiff of the Brut deodorant (Economy Pack).
  3. How India is fighting hard with Zimbabwe and Bangladesh for the 11th rank among the list of 12 cricket playing nations. And if the present Indian performances in West Indies, Champions Trophy and South Africa are any indicators, India would soon have to slug it out with Holland and Canada to even qualify in the World Cup.
  4. What on earth were the inventors/discoverers of beer and paneer thinking? The beer guy must have thought aloud -- "Umm let see, this drink totally sucks ass, but let me drink it another 10-12 times and see if it grows on me". And the paneer guy -- "Just for fun, let me add some lemon juice to this boiling milk and see what happens. Oooh! I get this amorphous stuff, let me try and give it some shape and eat it with peas and onions anyway".
  5. Short of a sex-change operation and wearing lipstick, what should I do to get as many comments as some of the female bloggers. Even if they sneeze, their "Aaachhoooo" gets a lot of insightful comments of the kind -- "LOL! That was a funny post", "ROFLLMAO! You have an amazing sense of humor. Any chance I can get you into bed now?", "Your sneeze has raised very important questions. The air pollution in this city has grown beyond the limits of tolerance. Let us hold a discussion in the comments section now" and my personal favourite -- "Your freedom to write such a sneeze post shows us all that we are indeed living in a free-market-libertarian-agnostic-left-leaning-right-twisting-moresuch-dumbass-buzzwords democracy."
So you see, my hyperactive brain has been thinking about all these problems that the world is riddled with. I just don't have the time and energy to put it down anymore. Maybe I will just outsource it all to one of them Chinese guys named Sean Wang or some such.

36 comments:

Tweety said...

he he.. This post seems to have arrived just at the right hour, when I am having a topic-crisis for my blog!! So you can outsource 1 and 4 to the Chinese-chappie and Ill do the rest for a meagre fee of "1 comment from you per post :p"

~Tweety

Kriti said...

Maybe you should try blogging about sneezing and see what kind of comments you get ??

Tejaswi said...

Did you mean metaphorical sneezing?

Asterix said...

@tweety: Done deal! Will comment for food..errr..post I mean.

@kriti: When I had started blogging, I had decided that I would never try to maintain any standards and thus far, I have kept this promise to myself. But blogging about sneezing...that is below even my dignity :)

@tejaswi: Ummm...whatever gets you to comment! :) And yes, I meant metaphorically.

Anonymous said...

dude i think u need a dose of beer...x( bad blog

A Girl!

Anonymous said...

"LOL! That was a funny post", "ROFLLMAO! You have an amazing sense of humor."

Don't tell me you don't fall for such lines huh? ;-)

Kidding apart.. all the blog ideas were good.. but I would like to know more about the beer and paneer one.. clearly the question should not be about what they were thinking, instead who they were thinking of? (YOU!!) :-D

-V

manish said...

"By the 14th and 15th centuries, beer had achieved great popularity, at least in part because health epidemics made drinking beer safer than drinking water." (Souce: Wikipedia)

I wish this happens in our life-time as well... kash...

Asterix said...

@AGirl: Sorry to have disappointed you, but these days, nothing seems to click for me. Absolutely nothing. If you elaborate on the "bad" points, maybe I won't repeat them. And no, I will never drop scatology as a constituent of my blog :)

@V: A guy stoned on beer, thinking about moi..hmmm..that doesn't seem like a safe proposition to me. A woman high on paneer thinking about me...well thats another story altogether ;) And yes, I am and always will be a sucker for the ROFLLMAO kinda lines.

@manish aka wikimaster: I have never doubted the good effects of beer, just the lousy taste when you drink it the first time. Aah! The smooth creamy taste of lager....well now I am thirsty!

The Golden Silence said...

nice one !

but, as an observation... one may also conclude that you have not been able to get down to writing a blog which is not about marathon or about delhi-mumbai-delhi flights ;)

Asterix said...

@goldensilence: Thanks, but I have already put the disclaimer in the first paragraph --- marathons and flights. Why such an "observation" then :( ?

The Golden Silence said...

@asterix: hmmm... you're right. my bad.

I meant, you started writing about many topics, but could finish only those which were about marathon or flights.

-M said...

i knew doing PhD was a vella kaam.....given that the frequency and length of ur posts increase when u r in bombay as compared to delhi and also the fact that another wld-be-doc aka ~V religiously comments on each of ur posts.

anyways...if u have such a shortage of topics....go and watch some hindi movies...ur movie reviews are always a winner. Its better than cribbing abt the attention a gal's sneeze gets.

Asterix said...

@goldensilence: Thats ok :)

@m: Pray tell, how did you infer that "~V" is a would-be-doc and what relation does she have with my suck-ass posts? Speaking of hindi movies, I was planning to do a review of Vivah, but at the last moment, couldn't muster the courage to go through three hours of masochism!

Shantanu said...

hows the city treating you dude? apart from making you run ;-)

Asterix said...

@shantanu: City is boring :( I have equated the city with conference submissions now. The running is going along fine. Have been hogging the track in the mornings nowadays :)

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Kusum Rohra said...

So you see, my hyperactive brain has been thinking about all these problems that the world is riddled with.

Did you say hyperactive brain? Heheh brain kahan se aaya? last I knew you we were two of a kind and suddenly you claim to have a brain!

* Leaves this space angry at being given false impressions of brainlessness *

Asterix said...

@kusum: Hey I don't recall ever making any tall claims of brainlessness! Although I do aspire to reach the soaring levels set by bloggers par extraordinaire like you!

Btw, thanks for your yearly visit to my blog...dhanya bhaag hamare jo aap jaise heavyweight bloggers yahan padhaare :)

Mallika said...

You want more comments from more girls.

Here's a comment. I'm a girl.

Am I to understand that you DO NOT like paneer?
HURRAH! A fellow freak!
Welcome to (freak)fold!
:)

Asterix said...

@mallika: Well...I don't know how to break this news...I LOVE paneer. I was just wondering on how it was discovered, considering the fact that a lot of milk is wasted in the process. Seems like you are the only "freak" for now ;-)

Mudra said...

20 comments for a blog on "blogger's block" - what can I say?? :p Naah, it's funny as usual... but now that you mention it, a lot of your posts HAVE been about travelling and marathons.

How was the marathon by the way? Did you get onto the telly?

Asterix said...

@mudra: Its only when I make senti posts like "no one comments any more" that I get 20+ comments :)

The marathon was fine. You are right, a line or two about it will surely be present in my next post :)

Rasika said...

hey..when are going to the next blog!!:(..
I'm waiting!..

Asterix said...

@rasika: Fear not! A spice post on a spicy topic will soon be made.

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