Sunday, October 07, 2007

Blogger contemplates confronting Bengali colleague regarding nuke deal stand-off

DELHI (Oct 7): Sources reveal that in an act of unprecedented stereotyping, local lad Rahul Gupta contemplates confronting one of his Bengali colleagues to get to the root of the UPA-communist nuke deal stand-off.

"I want nuclear energy and I want it now. I can't wait for these sissies to chalk out a compromise. I want to know whats bothering these goddamn communists", gushes the blogger.

He thinks that the logical next step is to contact a Bengali, who alone can "explain things as they stand, along with their reasons" (sic). Apparently this statement has caused a lot of grief to his Malyali colleagues who are feeling left out inspite of being communists. "Well lets face it. Keralites are busy dumping hair oil on their scalps and eating beef all day long. Even a monkey can argue better than them!", justifies Rahul.

He goes on to list the names of his various Bengali friends, who are top targets for his machinations -- Debojyoti, Sushrut and a fellow known only as 'Sarkar' (real names hidden to protect the victims). However, he knows that arguing with Bengalis is tougher than beating Australia in one-day matches.

"I want to equal their intellectual levels before I discuss this issue, so I have started doing Bengali stuff -- staging rallies, leaving work at 2 pm, swimming in the local pond to catch fresh water fish, and increasing my decibel level and blood pressure to 200 during arguments about football/cricket", he says as he describes the preliminary qualifying procedure for debating with a Bengali.

Well, whatever his means are, we wish this local nut the best of luck in his endeavours. He is going to need it. No one has ever survived a debate with a Bengali and lived on to tell the tale.

UPDATE: As this article was going to the press, we received news that the much anticipated confrontation indeed took place at the office coffee machine after lunch break. After a tireless and commendable effort by the blogger, his bemused Bengali colleague just asked him to get the hell out of there, go plough a field, commit female foeticide or join the army or do whatever it is that Haryanvis are supposed to do.

9 comments:

Mudra said...

Lol... So true!! I have LOADS of Bengali friends and most of them are horrible adversaries in an argument - not because of intellect or anything, but purely because of staying power. ;)

PS- I didn't know Mallus eat beef! Why isn't the VHP asking for the separation of Kerala from India yet? ;)

PPS- Just for the record, I love Bengalis AND Mallus. *halo*

Anonymous said...

Good one..would love to decipher the bong names! :) LOL

Manish

Vandana said...

Funny.. :-) Good job on the stereo-typing.. I think we all do that at a certain level.. but about bengalis, I think the best line told about them was in the movie "English August" where this guy had said that "the only reason why Bengalis don't read the Geeta is becuase they haven't been able to prove that its been written by a bengali" he he he :-)

Tweety said...

Interesting! Some cool stereo-typing .. :)
Though Im not sure if your Bong / Mallu will be thinking on similar lines !

Anyways keep the posts coming.. This post appears to be a 'demo' version of your usual posts (in terms of its size) though !

Cheers
Shruti

Asterix said...

@mudra: VHP goons get tired by the time they reach Calicut ;-) And anyway, the beef-eating is predominantly practiced by non-Hindus . And I too love Mallus and Bongs (girls that is).

@manish: No hidden meanings behind the bong names. Just some random names I thought of.

@vandana: Nice one from English August! :) Haven't seen it yet. We Indians probably do more stereotyping than anyone else in the world.

@tweety: To avail of the full-version, register now by sending $15.00 to my postal address (which you know) ;-)

shruti said...

Too good ...me born and brgth up in bengal ...would say eveybody is a product of their environment ..bengal eneds a make over ..wanna help ?

Asterix said...

@shruti: Naah! Let Bengal be whatever it is right now ;-) Some things are better left untouched. No need for a makeover

Anonymous said...

Communist junta are bribed by chinese or pakistanis, not bengalis.

bong at large said...

unfortunately, the communists are there because of "scientific rigging" and do not reflect public opinion in bongland at least. read this:-

http://www.soulcast.com/post/show/127343/Marxist-Strategy-to-Adapt-to-Democratic-Politics-in-West-Bengal%2C-India