Thursday, February 14, 2008

New guy expresses desire to have babies with Marathi manoos

Latest news indicate that new guy Rahul Gupta, who just moved into Bombay a few weeks ago from Delhi, is so scared that he has been forced to change underwear three times a day, all thanks to the local nut Raj Thackeray. In a press release, the new guy stated that he is all for a Marathi-exclusive state comprising of, but not necessarily limited to the present day Maharashtra. The title of this post is the same as that of the press release, which was disseminated to appease the local Sainik/Sena goons.

In response to Thackeray's "Ask not what I have done for India, ask what YOU have done for Maharashtra", the new guy said that he has already decided to donate his entire monthly stipend to the beggars at Haji Ali (non-Marathi beggars please excuse). "I can get by without a stipend. If not, I can always beg at Haji Ali", he added.

When asked what prompted this press release, his eyes became watery as he recounted the traumatic incidents. "One day, I was making fun of a few Marathi sissies as they were shivering in the 'cold' weather [1], whereas I was sweating even in my shorts. Then another day, I was claiming how it is so difficult to find good North Indian food in this freaking city. I guess someone got tired of all this and reported me to the Sena thugs.", he explained, dejected.

In addition to proclaiming his forced love for Mumbai, Rahul has taken other measures too. His phone calls now always begin with "Mee Rahul bolto", he pronounces Vikhroli as "Vikrodi", and given sufficient alcohol, he can admit that Dada Kondke is his favourite actor.

As we interviewed Rahul at the local bus stop, it was hard to ignore some grim realities in his statement. For example, a Marathi-only signboard to an untrained North Indian eye looks like "woogaboluloooloo", which in this reporter's humble opinion, is a tad difficult to interpret. The interview was cut short, as Rahul ran towards a bus, shouting "Thaamba thaamba!", having failed to read yet another bus number in time.


[1] I was tempted to use the slang for 'cat' but this is a family blog (as I like to believe). Anyway, I think the day Mumbai mirror proudly reported that Mumbai was 0.5 degrees colder than Delhi, millions of Marathi manoos' would have had multiple orgasms. Delhites, on the other hand, just shrugged and dismissed it as a heat wave (the temperature, not the orgasms).

16 comments:

Tweety said...

Hey good one.. Am surprised at the amount of Marathi you have already picked up!
If you were to have shown off some of your marathi-prowess to the occupants of the main building, you might have been homeless for a lot lesser amount of time!!

Post was hilarious as usual :)

Vsfks,
Tweety

Mudra said...

Nice one... "Thamba thamba!" Lol..

Btw, bus numbers are in Hindi. (Or Marathi, whatever, numbers are written the same way in both). Being a Noth Indian, thus, you ought to be able to read them. :P

btxajh,
Mudra

Mudra said...

*North

And vnxohpj.

Tweety said...

Hey Mudra.. Keep the battle again the word-verification going :)

uldndv,
Tweety

Asterix said...

@tweety: Yes, I should have spoken Marathi instead of Konkani in the main building ;-)

@mudra: The Hindi and Marathi numerals are slightly different. In the typical Raj Thackerayesque manner, I refuse to honour anything which is not 100% Hindi (or English).

@tweety, @mudra:
Being a Noth Indian, thus,..
Keep the battle again the word-verification going

And I will keep the battle against poor spelling going ;-)

The Golden Silence said...

The post was great !!!

I must say the post is very bold too... just be careful... we might end up reading news items that some random Delhi bound train was attacked because of this blog post... :p

~TGS

PS: I support the word verification... helps in keeping the 'nuste time khoti karnare' spam comments away.

Asterix said...

@tgs: I don't travel by trains ;-)
And thanks for supporting me against the we-hate-word-verification brigade. If only all my readers were as wise as you!

Vandana said...

Good one.. :-)
Didn't know it was becoming this bad in Mumbai..

burf said...

:D

long live the marathas [bhai i am fully supporting you sitting here in delhi] ;)

sissies, lol

Mudra said...

Your horoscope says you'll marry in 2008? Kya baat hai Gupta saaaaaab... Lol..

*Yeah, I was bored*

Also, zbkfrvl.

Mahima said...

Quality of your blogs has improved since you moved to Mumbai. Though that train one was a masterpiece.

Am back as your blog fan :-)
But seriously, whats with this word verification stupidity?


Mahima

Asterix said...

@mudra: My damned horoscope doesn't say anything! Wohi to problem hai :-( My heart says 2008, but my mind says "Never! you hear me? NEVER!"

@mahima: Thanks for the reaffirmation of your faith. And the word verification "stupidity", as you articulately put it, is to prevent to spammers from making automated comments. Been having such spam a lot lately.

Mudra said...

*Sympathies*

Btw, you can keep out comment-spam by enabling comment moderation. But you won't do that because that means a LITTLE extra work for you, as opposed to bloody word verification which only means extra work for your readers. :P Shame on you.

Asterix said...

@mudra: Comment moderation is for people with way too much time. And as you very well know, I am a pretty busy guy with lots of work to do! :-)

Anonymous said...

Dude, no post since a long time...whats happening?

-Manish

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