Friday, April 07, 2006

Untagged man very unhappy

Couldn't resist an onion style post.

BOMBAY, INDIA (7 Apr 2006) - Area man Rahul Gupta, who goes by the blog-alias of asterix2k, has declared that he is on the verge of emotional bankruptcy. And the reason is that no one has ever tagged him. Not once. When contacted, he said "I come across inane blogs daily where people are tagging each other senseless. I want to be a part of that crowd. I want to belong! IS THAT TOO BLOODY MUCH TO ASK??"

The rest of the interview had to be postponed, as asterix2k became blasphemous. On resumption, asterix2k added that he is dying to let the world know about his last five crushes, the seventeen books he likes, the twenty three movies he can't get tired of watching, and the dozen things he can't live without.

"I think the entire world is ready to know what turns me on", he conjectured.

Tagging is a complex process wherein, a blogger details out his favourite lists of books, movies, MMS clips etc, and in turn, tags another blogger friend who repeats the loop. So is tagging limited to just ordinary fares like what we prefer to read and watch?

"No. It works at many levels, from top-ten favourite colors to top-ten favourite traits in women", answers Rahul.

He continues to say that answering a tag is a great way to make a post without actually having anything to say, but still attract two dozen comments or more, depending on how famous the blog is. "So , this is right down my alley, because my blog is really 'a blog about nothing'. A vacuous tag-post will fit right in!", he adds.

Preliminary studies show that the following are the ultimate goals (in descending order) of every blogger:
a) Get a real person of the opposite sex to visit the blog.
b) Get tagged.
c) Get a s*it-load of comments on every post.
d) Squat on a good blog-domain name, even if we aren't blogging yet, *just in case*
e) Make meaningful posts.

Legend goes that many online romances have bloomed as a result of tagging. Female blogger Sarah (real name hidden) says, "I thought Zack (real name hidden) was just another stupid male blogger. But then I came across his tag-post! When I read that he likes to sleep on the left side of the bed, likes his eggs scrambled and adores the movie Josie and the Pussycats, I knew it was a match made in heaven!". Their marriage lasted two months after two years of online courtship.

"Right now I would rather get tagged than laid.", gushes Rahul in a wave of emotion. "After that I can move on to tell the world the color of my shorts, my adventures with my pet spider, my gargling habits and the 10-page analysis of my favourite character in Seinfeld", he quips.

Tagging has often been derided by blog-critics as being typical of the "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" philosophy prevalent in the blogging world. Blogger friends comment on each other's posts, irrespective of the post's contents, so that the post/comment count stays healthy. So isn't tagging the same sort of evil?

"No way! First of all, let me clarify that I have myself made half the comments on my blog. And this was possible only because I was vigilant enough to check for comments every half hour, and answering any comments right away!", clarifies Rahul, now visibly agitated.

"Secondly, who'd you rather prefer scratching your back? A stranger, or a friend who's more familiar with the terrain?", he adds.

Well, evil or not, this correspondent wishes asterix2k the best of luck in getting tagged, but secretly hopes that he never gets a chance to read about the blogger's "ten places on my body where it itches the most" list.

12 comments:

solzaire said...

he he. good stuff dude. and thanks for not talking about that other hype of tagging.
arre - i should put you on to a couple of people who tag and meme a lot :)
see ya weekend.

Anonymous said...

Very funny. In the style of Greatbong.

Anonymous said...

great blog dude... hope u get tagged/laid soon :D

Asterix said...

@solzaire: Thanks dude! See you tomorrow.

@anon1: Thanks. But hey! Greatbong has his own style! This is more on the lines of Onion.com

@anon2: Thanks man! Me thinks that getting tagged/laid on the same day will be awesome na!

Tara said...

Hey Asterix,
LOL!! Too funny.. this tagging business na is actually like a status thing... you can see how popular you are by noting how many people actually tagged you :-) Then you acknowledge all the people in your post.. in a way similar to "I would like to thank the academy etc etc". Till date I have responded to 3 tags.. one of which was a story tag.. which was so ridiculous that I deleted it later..
and hey.. I totally hear ya on the back scratching thing... (scratch scratch!!) ;-)
Take care,
Tara

Arun said...

Not for nothing some wise dude had said "sex is the most important need for humans (read men :D) after food"...It's amazing how within no time any community-driven service (orkut, Hi5, blog, news sharing etc) turns into boy-seeking-girl dating site..Now, if you excuse me, I need to scrap someone on orkut :D

Asterix said...

@tara: thanks! no tags for me so far :(

@arun: basic instinct, eh! :) although i would disagree on the relative priorities of sex and food ;-)

anshu said...

arrey itni si baat? pehle bataya hota

waise abhi bhi kuchh khaas der nahi hui :D

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, itna frustrated kyon hai bhai? Chinta na kar, shaadi jaldi hi ho jayegi teri :P.
-Varun

Asterix said...

@anshu: you know how to take a subtle hint, dont you ;-) ?

@varun: thanks dude! only you know my predicament :)

shan said...

Its good to begin with but later on you just pray your name is not tagged in the latest insanity going on.
Yup Tara, that story tag was terrible.

Kusum Rohra said...

Your wish list seems to be coming true, you already got tagged,

And here, a real person of the opposite sex is visiting your blog, and commenting too, i just hope you don't use any hit counter, or else you will get to know how I landed on ya blog ;)