Wednesday, May 17, 2006

City admits it doesn't give a TRA about blogger's absence

BOMBAY, May 17th 2006. After much dilly-dallying, the city of Bombay today admitted that it doesn't give a Tiny Rat's Ass (TRA) about the absence of the wannabe blogger Rahul Gupta. In a formal statement at the Mayor's residence at Prabhadevi, a town spokesman said, "Frankly, we didn't even know that he was here. So the question of us missing him doesn't even arise" , and then quickly added, "but we wish him the best in his future endeavours."

Rahul Gupta, who goes by the juvenile nickname of Asterix, had moved to the city of Bombay in order to take a shot at blog-fame and to jumpstart his PhD, in that order of priority. Dozens of naive and mediocre posts later, he was still no way near his goal. So he resorted to blog-whoring. Blog-whoring is a concept in which a newbie blogger starts leaving inane comments on other, more popular blogs, with a trackback URL to his own blog. The hope is that any other commentator will mistakenly, or out of curiousity, click on the URL and visit his blog.

Such a childish endeavour was only partly successful, as Asterix managed to gather only a handful of loyal readers, most of which were amassed using lures of chocolates. By using self-commentary, Asterix managed to reach an all time high of 20 comments on a single post.

In interviews done all over the city, we talked to a lot of people and asked for their opinions. The results, not surprising in the least, are as follows:

"Asterix who?" : 68%
"I am glad the loser is gone" : 20%
"Bombay's loss is Delhi's gain. I will miss Asterix": 1%
"Well his blog was oookayish, or atleast the chocolates were nice": 6%
"I live/work on the same floor as Asterix. I HAD to read and comment on his blog under gunpoint" : 5%

As expected, Bombay police has launched a manhunt to nab the loony 1% readers who think his blog is good.

We managed to contact Asterix and asked for his comments on this formal press release.
"Well....What can I say, I am aghast! Day after day, I used to eat the hostel food and turn it into my blog posts. And after that this is the treatment I get!", he said. Although it may be debatable which one of hostel food and Asterix's blog post resembles smelly organic matter, but one thing is for sure: If all he did was to convert one to the other, then it wasn't too much of an effort.

He goes on to say, "How can they even say that they don't give a TRA? Not even a BRA (Big Rat's Ass). After all I have done and written about, I deserve atleast a BRA."

As usual, the blogger's comment became too much PG-13 to be recorded and the interview had to be abruptly terminated.


mani said...

Hey Rahul, let those f***ing mumbaities rot there. Delhites and even pseudo-delhites are happy to have you back.

Tara said...

Awwww... don't worry.. I'm sure Delhites give a BRA that you're there..
I wonder about the 1%.. hmmmmm.. intriguing... ;-)
I have one question though.. how come I never recd any chocolates huh? Next comment only after I get some chocolates in the mail :-)


Anonymous said...

Hope you are having a nice time back in Delhi. Have been reading your blogs regularly and am glad to be part of that 1%.
Mail me your new numbers soon.


Asterix said...

@mani: yaar gaaliyan mat nikal bombayites ko! I love them!

@tara: your chocolates are in the male..viz me ;-)

@mahima: didnt you read what's gonna happen to those 1% ?? anyway, high time for your first comment!! :)

shan said...

Maybe your writing style suits delhi more than mumbai (??).

Anyway, not reading your blog is people's loss.
And I'm not a choclate person(yeah there are around 0.002% people in this world like that) so no need to send anything.
I wouldnt mind the money though. Just a suggestion. :)

solzaire said...

kya kar raha hai bhai. apun ko to bhul gaya bhidu. tere ko dekh lega main dilli aake.

Asterix said...

@shan: Chhee Chhee...padhne ke liye paisa!! Waise my writing style (or the lack of it) suits no one but me :(

@solzaire: yaaar!! bola na 1% log hain jinko pasand hai...waise I am enjoying the unbridled freedom in your absence ;)

Anonymous said...

* hands over a BRA *
Frankly, my friend, you need a BRO not a bra.

(BRO is meant for men like yourself :P
- Kramer (Seinfeld))


Anonymous said...

How many times have you counted me to arrive at a figure of 6% ???
Or maybe you're counting the chocs instead;)

- Tweety

P.S ++MTCount ;)

Asterix said...

@Varun: Dude! Seinfeld sure has a quote for every situation, doesnt it? :) And remember the 'bra' incident associated with the motorcycle mishap ;) ?

@Tweety: You were counted according to your weight, now go figure! ;) I haven't seen any MT in Delhi yet :(

Anonymous said...

I am defnately in the 1% then

Asterix said...

@Preah: Thanks! and I gotta say that you have a pretty interesting spelling of your name :)

Kusum Rohra said...

That 1% surely doesn't include me, so please send my share of chocolates ASAP.

Mudra said...

Lol!!! Good to see quality humour. Keep writing. :)

Asterix said...

@kusum: Send me your address and phone number and I will do the honors ;)

@mudra: Thanks a lot! Although I dont know a lot about "good quality humor" :)

Kusum Rohra said...

You e-mail Id is not listed in your profile, so where do I send my address?

Anonymous said...

In other news.

Paneer sales up in Delhi
June 02, Delhi : The numbers are out and paneer vendors are dancing their way to the bank. The FMCG sales survey for the month of May indicates a whopping increase of 105% in paneer sales in Delhi. "I have never sold so much paneer in my life. My sales have tripled in the last month. I have bought 50 cows to meet the requirement.", says Lalaji from South Delhi. Popular conspiracy theorist, Pravin Bhandakkar, believes this increase in paneer sales is linked to the arrival of one "Asterix" from Mumbai. When asked for reasons behind his theory, the world reknowned expert just snickered and said, "I just know".

Dude, I don't know if any bloggers in Delhi give a TRA about your arrival but the paneer vendors sure do.


Asterix said...

@kusum: yeah, the absence of the address is to ward off potential stalkers ;)

@Pravin: sahi hai bhidu, apna blog kyon nahin shuru karta :) And I wont care to confirm or deny your reports ;)

Anonymous said...

Came across your blog.. and found it absolutely hilarious !! I must say, you have a great sense of humor - Read some of your previous entries as well... and almost made it to the 1% But on second thoughts I think I'll stick to the 6% instead - with a hope that I may find some chocolates in my mail box tomorrow :) What say ya ?


Kusum Rohra said...

Sheesh, now a days people have become too cautious, now thats real bad news for stalkers like me, *sob sob*

Asterix said...

@Meg: Any chance that your last name is Ryan? :) Sure, mail me your address and real name and the chocs will be on their way. Going rate is 1 choc per 5 comments. No students discount.

@Kusum: Turns out that my profile does contain one of my email addresses. It isnt difficult to find at all. Guess I was already exposed to stalkers after all :)

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Damn I had to put a comment here also. That will now take it to all time high of 23 I hope ;)

And dude, now even delhites
want there share of chocs.


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