The Midas Touch
Most people are born ordinary. A few are given a special gift. Today I crossed the boundary from the former category to the latter. I realized that I am indeed special. No, not in the my-mom-keeps-telling-me-I-am-special way, but indeed extraordinary. And before this cup of narcissism spills over, let me explain how I came to possess the Midas Touch.
This May, I moved from Bombay to Delhi for a few months and took shelter in Solzaire's spacious abode. Nothing serious, just fooling around and having a good time. But in two months, Solzaire announced something grand. No its not what you think, you sickos! He announced that he is gonna get married in July. This came as a shock to me, as I had no clue about any of this. Dismissing this as a one-off incident, I changed houses and took off to the States for a brief vacation (read: conference). Stayed with a friend in New York for a few days and a few days ago I got an email containing a similar announcement. Yes! he is getting hitched in two weeks.
Slightly startled at this fascinating turn of events, I returned to Delhi to pick up the threads of my life. On one fateful Sunday, I spent an afternoon at a wingmate's place in Noida. Again, nothing special, just two guys engaged in good old fashioned 'fun'. And, yes, you guessed it right, a week back he announced that he too is going to be a family man in December.
By now, I was 90% sure that I had a gift of certain sort. Whomsoever I touched (figuratively) suddenly found his soulmate in a few weeks time. Whatever uncertainty I had, was soon to be demolished. My colleague and new roommate in Delhi and Bombay, announced yesterday that he too has found the love of his life (whatever that means).
I am in the "zone" now. I am da man! The divine matchmaker. Offers have started pouring in. Single men from all over the country are calling me to spend a night at their place (no, not for that). They are ready to pay me handsomely for my "services". I am seriously contemplating of leaving my full-time job and throw myself completely into this unique social service.
A toll-free number is on cards. Watch out!
17 comments:
Interesting :) So does this work for the opposite sex as well ? And if so, then whats the toll free number ;) ???
Btw, Ive moved...
Hey man... I cant wait for the toll-free number to come. You are invited for a lunch at my place ...and yes! you can stay for a few days as well if you have time :)
I am already so happy that I know such a gifted human being.
Dude.. did you have this midas touch when we met? or does it not work on females?? If it does.. then you're welcome to come on for an all expenses paid trip to the US.. and free stay at our humble abode.. what say?? ;-)
You just might put shaadi.com outta business or you could be their fallback guy. Your toll free number could be prominently displated on their site:-)
@tweety: This midas touch is a recent thingie. I don't know if its effective with females because not too many girls have invited me to stay at their homes ;-) Toll free number is in the offing.
@golden silence : I don't know if my 'talent' is powerful enough to materialize a wedding over just a lunch. It took me around 1 month of constant effort to make things work with Shanty. Get the hint? :)
@tara: When we met, my talent had just surfaced and was still developing. And yes, if airfare+acco in US is what you offering, then I am up for grabs! ;-)
@deepa: Thanks! However I bear no affiliations with shaadi.com and its clones. In other words, "hamari koi branch nahi hai" :)
:-)) :-P.
Guess what trials and tribulations your midas'ed people must be going through that they rather get themselves hitched.
Enough said ;-).
Mate if you are still searching for exceptions to this xtraordinary phenomenon ...pls recall your stay in Pune and sleepless nights watching THE MITHUN DA in Mumbai ...
@solzaire: For a person like me who performs house visits for such noble causes, sadly there is home he can call his own. That may explain why I myself am single.
No complaints though ;)
@ashish: Give it some time dude! It may take a few weeks to hatch. I won't be surprised if you show up with an invitation in a couple of months.
@tara: No no it works on women too :D It worked for me:D
aargh!! dont u come anywhere near Kolkata dude!!
i'm tired of my parents' subtle hinting and innuendos - WHAT is wonderful abt letting another flawed human take on yr life!!!
now - marriage feasts are a whole different ball game - always always ready for the goodies!!
can we cut a deal like - u get em married and i can grub to my heart's content at those weddings!!
god bless em all married souls who feed their guests well!!
Hi Kusum, I guess we need to compare and analyze what the prerequisite number of hours are, that one needs to spend with Rahul for the magic to work.. ;-)
Congrats btw.. :-D
@kusum: Oh yeah, how could I have forgotten you!!
@keka: ;-) Sounds like an awesome deal to me.
@tara: It seems my talent has grown with time!
ROFL
You are the man!!! Me was also thinking of a career change if Kusum agrees...it is also a noble career as you can see from my comment on her blog ;)
For the information of the readers, this self-proclaimed 'love'-guru has been telling me for more than a year now, that he is going to be hitched soon. I had put all my money on him in the race of 'who gets down first' amongst our friends. Rest is history. And now this bloody ass has become a guru :P.
Gurudev, now that you have quite a following, use your head rather your 'touch' ;), and do yourself some good.
-Varun
@dilshad: Thanks dude! Sadly, the IIT tag doesn't work as effectively as I had thought it would. Most of the time, people shy away from me like I have got the dengue or something, when they come to know about my Idiot In Technology (IIT) status.
@silverine: The true calling comes sooner or later for all of us. Yours is to earn money while resting your bum at home, while mine is to help virgins get laid (read: marriage broker).
@Varun: Thanks a lot for sharing the details of our betting scandal. This match-fixing is not gonna work dude, as I have realized. Even I have started putting money on other people now!! And four people isn't a 'following'. As joke goes, four is the average number of desi software engineers living in an apartment in New Jersey :)
Op9B55 You have a talant! Write more!
xfd2YG Magnific!
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