Friday, July 28, 2006

Blogger disappointed with the performance of his blog

In an exclusive interview, area blogger Rahul Gupta (juvenile nickname: Asterix) told us that he isn't satisfied with the progress of his blog on any level. In this newspiece, we cover an extensive 'analysis' of the past, present and future (if any) of his blog.

The blog was started almost an year back on 30th July under immense peer pressure and the fear of non-conformity. Midway, the blog's name was changed from the zero-information phrase of "Rahul's blog" to an equally useless "A blog about nothing" after watching an episode of Seinfeld, which is called "The show about nothing".

While the blogger can take solace in the fact that he hasn't blogged about what he had for breakfast yesterday (yet) or what colour is his toothpaste, he hasn't exactly become an epitome of blogdom either in the past year. His forte lies in covering jaw-droppingly awe-inspiring news like the Rakhi-Mika fiasco and the Prince debacle or making self-indulgent posts on the lack of tags or girl friends.

With tasteless subjects like these, its no wonder that he cannot cross the physical barrier of 21 comments on any post of his. We talked to him about what makes him go on and on, punishing his readers every week or so.

We: So is writing about such topics the only reason you blog?
Asterix: Err...no. There was an ulterior motive.
We: May we dare to enquire what that was?
Asterix: Well I thought that some female readers would visit the blog and get impressed by my awesome writing skills and would sleep with me.
We: Hmm...your 'awesome writing skills' you say.
Asterix: Well I did get 90 out of 100 in English in Class 7th-A and I was voted the person most likely to memorize all the entries under Q in the dictionary.
We: Ooookay! Well we looked at the profiles of the people who comment on your blog and there indeed are a few single female readers. How that happened is beyond our comprehension but any leads from there?
Asterix: Well they are single, and they are looking. But I guess they aren't looking in my direction. What a sad irony! I feel so used!!

Apart from such pathetic attempts at losing bachelorhood, the blogger also faces allegations of plagiarism. His writing style (if you would call it that) reeks of 'inspiration' from Onion. With such dark clouds, his blogging future looks bleak indeed. On asking about any possible policy changes in his blog or any modifications, he chuckled and replied, "Well lets see how long I can hold fort. And there always are the breakfast/toothpaste posts!"

It would be interesting to see if the blogger runs out ot topics before he runs out of readers. And that if his blog-code turns into a reality. Until then, lets pray that he doesn't write about the Owl-in-the-temple story.

25 comments:

Tara said...

LOL!! :-D
Well.. I have three words for you.. location, location, location...
Virtual world doesn't necessarily give "real" results ;-)
Good luck!! :-)
-Tara

Anonymous said...

Holy mamba-jamba. How much more subtle could one get? * rolls eyes *

I thought that some female readers would visit the blog and get impressed by my awesome writing skills and would sleep with me.

Nutcase, ab tu dekh, teri shaadi mein kya speech dene waala hoon main :P.

-Varun

Tweety said...

Amazing.. as always :) Though some of your blog-writing objectives certainly sound suspicious (read as atrocious)! And yeah... dont wallow-in-misery over the comment count - most great minds were not appreciated during their lifetimes anyways;)

Cheers,
Tweety (with cavity) - So no MTs this time;)

Ritesh Nadhani said...

LOL!

Atleast whatever post you do brings smiles to 10s of sad souls in India. My blog has nothing but 4 lines of my life weekly!

Asterix said...

@tara: Dont break the illusion!! This is like telling a kid that there is no Sandy Claus :(

@Varun: Hey I am just saying what everybody is thinking ;) And dont worry about my shaadi. If that happens , you would be too busy taking me to the hospital (coz I would be in a state of shock) to give a speech.

@tweety: So you mean that after I die, or lose my internet connection permanently, comments will pile up by the dozens? Without the promise of chocolates ;) ?

@ritesh: Aww thanks dude! My sympathies to those 10s of unlucky people :)

Anonymous said...

If you die, I'll take over the blog and continue to plagiarise Crispy Onion Rings. If you lose you internet connection, hmm .. in that case, maybe, we'll have an online funeral for you. I'll bring the ceremonial wine.
Cheers,
Pravin.

PS : Anytime you are struggling to get to 21 comments, just let me know and I'll crap all over your blog.

shan said...

sitaron ke aage jahan aur bhi hi, ahi blogging ke imtehan aur bhi hai.

Asterix said...

@Pravin: you have my express permission to cr@p all over the blog. You can begin with the archives.

@shan: I am sick and tired of giving exams :)

mojindro said...

hi dude...
first time to ur blog..but intresting ..cool statements anyway..
take care
--moji

Asterix said...

@moji: Thanks and welcome dude!

Anonymous said...

Here are some links that I believe will be interested

Hiren said...

You may have named yourself "Asterix" but in terms of writing skills your are "Obelix" from the comics in case you are unaware. But then obelix was so huge that he whould find it difficult to sleep with women anyway. If that is the reward, I too will have to improve my writing skills.

On a serious note, blogging should be a platform to reveal the chupa rustams of writing talent. god alone knows when that will happen.

How can you break the barrier when none of the prominent bloggers deem it fit to consider you worthy enough to brush shoulders with them or deem it fit to comment? (Woh subha kabhi tau aayegi)


Here too, we have vested interest. We are both in the same boat and after an year of blogging, I too am entirely in agreement with you.

Best of luck, brother.

silverine said...

That Interview was hilarious!!! :)) Thanks for dropping by and that really funny comment...in the bargain I got to read your post :)

Asterix said...

@hiren: Well, I am not very adept at delivering menhirs, so a comparison with Obelix won't be fair :) Regarding the blogging thingie, this post was made in one of those "why the hell am I still blogging?" mood. So there! :)
Any interesting "side-effects", like the one mentioned in the post will be greatly welcome ofcourse!

@silverine: Thanks! I came across your posts a few days back and am a fan already :)

Anonymous said...

Hehehehee... as usual, damn good! Actually it's kinda refreshing to see a blog where the author has no pretentions of being serious and highbrow!! Unadulterated crap... we like it!

Mudra said...

Oops... the last one was from me. :-) I DO have a name.

Asterix said...

@mudra:Hmmm...thanks dude! I will take that as a compliment :)

Suji said...

LOL....lage raho Asterix Bhai!

manuscrypts said...

aha!! a kindred soul @ the onion thing :)

Asterix said...

@suji, manuscrypts: Thanks mates! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm impressed with your site, very nice graphics!
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Anonymous said...

Here you go dude.
I break your barrier of 21 comments :D

Aggy

b v n said...

this space rocks !!

me too worried abt sex appeal of being a blogger...planning to be astronaut instead :)

shruti said...

blogging...
the world of expression..where u put all ur thoughts in an unknown virtual world...
thats it..

take care

Anonymous said...

I like it! Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing this wonderful site with us.
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